born2flym07

stress stress stress. it will be ok. this to shall pass.

so I had an eventful night last night, I was stuck in the ONE place I hate with a passion and couldnt do a thing about it, a place I had been avoiding but unfortunately got drug there against my will. Now I'm on bed rest for 48 hours and I cant even go outside, I'm going crazy! I cant just be put in one place and be made to stay there!! thats not me! Anyways the past couple of unfortunate events have forced me to be greatful for the little things, its made me realize the people that really do care about me and gave me this whole other different view on things. and...its a good thing.

...well, the weather is cold.

I havent really kept up with my livejournal lately. I would come on but realize that I didnt really have anything to vent, that is afterall basically my whole purpose of why I write is to vent all the shitty stuff going on in my life. I dont like complaining to people about it, like they could do anything to help. Its usually to much to keep bundled up inside my head, but lately...i just havent needed to do that,my life has been full of nothing but screw ups and a big show to the world, "there's nothing better then a good lie". Well lately I havent had to write, meaning that nothing has been bothering me, etleast not bad enough to drive me to stay cooped up in my room with the door locked and one small lamp on for hours while I sit there and write and try to figure things out. Yet nothing has changed in my life that makes it that much different from the last couple of months when things have really spun out of wack. They say its not good to surpress things, ya know put them off and just try to hide them away, but I disagree. Why linger in the past, why fight to try and save something that can never be saved. I mean you spend sooo long trying to change something, thinking that if you could only fight harder or last longer or stay with it that , it WILL change someday, ...it doesnt. You end up wasting more time waiting on that thing to change that in the future you will waste time wishing that you hadnt wasted it waiting, and then that time will be wasted wishing you hadnt wasted that time, and then that continue's until it drives you absolutely insane and leads you to things like chain smoking, writing in little corners in your room, missing out on possible relationships b/c to you...having trust in people is just not reality,losing people who tried staying by you, and flat out being someone who no one wants to be around b/c althought YOU think that your hiding your thoughts and feelings to the world, contratry to the fake smile on your face and the phony laughs, your actions show different and people get sick of dealing with that. Hopefully, and fortunately for me, I realized that there ARE things in your life that you simply look over b/c their not problems and you dont feel like you have to work at them but what they really are, are what make you truly happy and if you focus on those and ONLY those, then they will "surpress" the bad WHICH mind you is not as bad as all the doctors and phsychologists will try making it out to be. I have discovered that...things arent always as bad as they seem, the little things that bring you joy in life, if you let them, can take over, and all the things you think are impossible, are only impossible if you are to prideful to accept the fact that you CAN be happy and life doesnt always have to have downs, and if it does,.....accept that SHIT HAPPENS, and once you accept that it will be alot easier to put your big boy/ big girl panties on and continue in this ever so drawn out process we human beings like to call, life.

ok so ontop of having to be aroud ignorant people who piss you off its even worse to find out that your one of those ignorant people, everyone is and refuse to accept it b/c they are to busy pointing the finger at other people. It has everything to do with people being insecure and wanting to blame every wrong choice on someone or someTHING, no matter WHAT it is as long as in noway it turns back around and is pointed at them, but what they dont realize is that by doing that is points the finger DIRECTLY at them.....*huff* whatev man what ev!!

GOD I LOVE HIM!!!

so I'm at this cross road right and all the arrows are pointing tword just going with it...

hello life. Why?

so you sailed away, into a grey sky morning....was that what you wanted?




...scared to death

....AaAaAnd fingers are crossed!

Saying all the goodbyes(and not just to everyone leaving for college but to other too) have made me realize that you can be living in one of the best phases of your life and not even realize it and even after it you may not realize it but someday it will hit you that during that year or month or week, you had some of the best times of your life and all the while you are just living in another part of your life that you dont realize you will be thinking the same thing about sometime in the future when things are bad. Its really hard to be positive when you have to say so many goodbyes and more times then most for me I never even realize how much that person meant to me or how many good memories I have with them in it until I realize that the time formaking memories and hanging out has come to, what it feels like, a sudden stop in the road and your not ready for it. All I know is I cant wait for this whole mood that has seem to have been cast upon lakeland lifts and people see that for most people that are leaving are not leaving forever and definitly not going that far away and times can and will only get better from here on out for the ones leaving and the one being left behind. Good luck everyone and for gods sake try and smile! I promise you this is not the end if anything it is a whole new beggining to a better part of life to not realise your in!

I ABSOLUTELY HATE GOODBYES!!!!!! I'm gonna miss ya core! xoxo

I want you I love you, thats all I have to say.

....sometimes i just want to be the one

i need ideas for a new lj name!

I search.
I journey.
I feel,
I find..
peace of mind.


I seem to find myself analyzing everything lately. Anything from what certain phrases REALLY mean like "whatever" and "are you shitting me", wondering if ppl even pay attention to what their saying these days to some of the oldest words from genius writters like sir thomas more and shakesphere wondering how they captured their surroundings and turned them into these great novels and plays that are still being read and captivating fans centuries later, wondering how they had such a grasp on life wishing I could have that. I think I am in a critical journey of trying to find me and the things that will make me happy, hoping to, if I'm lucky, being able to stumble on the path that leads to eternal bliss and another significant other to love. Yeup you heard me say it, I do want someone to love and I do have a heart that I would like to have someone steal, but unlike alot of others these days I am in no rush to just find some smojo, I want the real thing, a knight in shining armour that will sweep me off my feet and provide a happy ever after ending....but then again, who doesnt? *sigh* I dont know, waiting is a bitch to those who are impatient. Until then,I will remain kissing my hand and touching the roof when I pass under yellow lights and when I see a car with one headlight, holding my breath when I pass a cemetary, lifting my feet when I pass over railroad tracks, and any other superstition that will keep me from experiencing any more bad luck then I have to, and of coarse the stars are always out and there are plenty to cast wishes upon.

awww I love my best freinds!


http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a330/shakenchic066/gangstas.jpg

I want a new livejournal name

All the stars are out tonight, it seems as though I might make some since out of the madness.

I seem to feel trapped by there being no limit...!what to do! !what to do!...keep breathing.